The 3 Types of Men That Respond to a Divorced, 40, Child-Free Woman
by Clover Lam
6 months ago, one of my instagram videos went VIRAL.
Title: I am 40, divorced with no kids, I am not ashamed to admit that…
I listed 10 vulnerable truths that I no longer feel ashamed of.
The intention was to empower women to drop the societal labels and own who we are… instead, this 5 second video gained 7000 MALE followers…
This phenomenon opened my eyes to what is happening right now, why women still feel the shame and judgement of being divorced, child-free and 40, and why interacting with men can feel scary at this time.
Out of these 7000 male followers, there were hundreds of comments and DMs, I analyzed the data and I categorized these men into 3 types:
The trolls
The ones who go HARD on making sure you feel the shittiest about divorce. Reminding you that you will die alone with cats. Making sure women know they offer no value without men.
When I saw these. I was honestly shocked. I didn’t realize there are so much projections coming from the opposite sex. The internet exposed what people couldn’t dare to say in person. No wonder we still feel unworthy, continuously blame and fix ourselves, hoping one day we will deserve love again.
The men who slid into my DMs
95% of them typed this: “Hi, you are beautiful”, without further depth or substance.
As women, we want to be feel seen, understood on a deeper level. I don’t think these men understood the assignment yet. Instead of feeling desired, I felt objectified.
The divorced husbands who resonated with my story and wanted help
While I had to continuously clarified that I only help women.
This was a tricky one. There’s a male loneliness epidemic for a reason. Because emotional labour has been expected from women from the dawn of time, when we start to refuse this invisible work, there isn’t a lot of resources and safe space for men to open up to.
This information revealed the awkward position a divorced, child-free, millennial woman faces:
We are still healing from the toxic misogynistic narratives we were brought up in, second guessing if we are good enough.
We are becoming strong, independent women refusing to settle, simultaneously yearning for a healthy relationship that allows us to soften into our feminine.
We are finally living our best lives, travelling the world, building financial independence, yet we will always be reminded that our worth is only tied to our youth, relationship status and motherhood.
Despite ALL that, you are still here. Fighting everyday. I am proud of you, and I hope you can be proud of you too. This journey is not easy, but it doesn’t have to be lonely.
Come join our Divorce Glow-Up Sisterhood to chat every month on the topics of glowing up after divorce. For the first time in history, 45% of women in the US between 25-45 years old will be single and child-free by 2030.
We are re-defining what relationships will look like and how to navigate going forward.
See you there!
