Why My Divorce Was The Best Thing That Happened to Me as an Asian Millennial Woman
by Clover Lam
As an Asian millennial woman after divorce, we face 3 dilemma:
Asian:
Save face. The term you most likely have heard of.
As a hardworking culture that glorifies sacrifice, suffering as perseverance, not being able to sustain a marriage is failure right? Divorce of course becomes the one thing that’s shameful, that we have to hide.
Millennial:
We are the sandwich generation that still holds boomers’ scarcity mindset and trauma. We are also surrounded by friends with kids, who can barely hang out with us unless we go to their little ones’ birthday parties. Meanwhile, we scroll through instagram, trying to keep up with strong, independent women 10 years younger, making $10k months as they jetset in Bali, Costa Rica and California.
Women:
If you’re over 35, child-free and divorced, societal BS says you must be a leftover, destined to die alone with cats.
No wonder you feel alone and not enough.
I got divorced at 30, a decade ago. I remember doing the walk of shame back to my flight attendant job after divorce. People being people, I knew they were going to talk. Before anyone could gossip behind my back, I started sharing what actually happened. What surprised me most was that not only did other women not judge me, they also opened up about their own struggles! Vulnerability was the gateway to connection, and Brene Brown is right.
The thing about working in a Canadian airline is that we have a diversity of people. They helped me see that there are many ways to live.
Since I already went “out of line”, it liberated me to do unconventional things that made me feel alive, like solo travelling, cage diving with crocodiles, hiking Mount Everest basecamp. That’s when I re-ignited my adventurous spirit, something that laid dormant within me when I was still a wife.
47 countries, 10 years later, not only have I explored myself and the world, but most importantly, I have found peace with who I am. That being different is a SUPERPOWER.
It helped me resolve the dilemmas I mentioned above:
Asian: I no longer care what other people will say.
Millennial: I carry the wisdom of a 40 year old but with the open mind and youthful energy of a 30 year old.
Women: I feel sure and grounded in who I’ve become, that trolls start to look like children acting out and it no longer feels personal.
Divorce didn’t break me. It broke me open. So I can rebuild from a place of authenticity.
I am grateful that I got to experience this rebirth so early in life. And it’s in fact a privilege that I get to create a life on my own terms. And THAT is why divorce was the best thing that happened to me.
And now, I want the same for you. To turn that painful chapter into your greatest comeback! And that’s why I created the Divorce Glow-Up Sisterhood:
A space where you get to unlearn all outdated societal rules that are keeping you stuck.
A community of other women on the same journey to share inspiration and resources.
The permission to release the shame of divorce and reclaim the radiance that has been buried inside you.
Join HERE for monthly women’s circles, resources on how to thrive in every area of your life based on my signature 8-pillar glow-up roadmap, and community challenges to keep you accountable and glowing!
And it’s free for a limited time.
Can’t wait to see you there!
